being a "social media mom"

To be honest, I hate putting labels on people or things in general. I hate the term 'Instagram Mom' or 'Social Media Mom' or 'Influencer' or anything like that. I think it puts every single mom out there on Instagram into a group, and if one person gives that group a bad name then everybody who has ever considered themselves a part of that group gets that bad name too. Although, lately that's more or less who I've been. I don't work like my husband does, so the only income I have is through any sort of compensation that I can make through my social media presence.

Now, I'll be honest, sometimes it's really rad. I've received the DockATot, a baby monitor, books, toys, clothes, and more as compensation for me posting about these things on social media. In fact, I'm even finally getting my teeth straightened for free in exchange for me posting about the company. Most of the time I have no problem doing so because I honestly believe in the company or the product that I'm working with. Like my teeth, I will praise them up and down for so many reasons without even a second thought.

But I'm not here to talk about the influencer or the marketing part of being a social media mom. There are plenty articles, mock Instagram accounts, and blog posts that you can go and read to figure out more about what I do there. You'll hear good and bad, I'm warning you now.

I really just want to talk about what it's like being a mom in the digital age. What it's like posting pictures of your children and making friends through social media. To be honest, a lot of the times it's amazing. I've met some really dope people through social media. In fact, the three women I hangout with in Utah (yeah, that's all my friends) I met through social media, and we're like besties. We love each other and we have a really great relationship, so in that case I am totally in love with the idea of social media.

Social media has brought a lot of joy to my life. A lot of joy. But it has also brought just as much, if not more, misery. You know who's on social media? Everybody. Including that girl you've been jealous of your entire life, who somehow has a perfectly flawless Instagram feed and people just flock to her. You know who else? That mom that you met who's kid is younger than yours but is far more developed. They're eating solid foods perfectly, sleeping perfectly, crawling a month before your kid does, etc. You know who else? The most hilarious person you have ever met and you're convinced you'd be best friends with them, but they're too busy to give you a second thought.

Someone always has a better camera.

Someone always has a smarter kid.

Someone is always prettier.

Someone is always smarter.

Somebody always has a nicer apartment.

Somebody always travels more.

Somebody will always have a seemingly more perfect life than you do. Always. ALWAYS. That is a very discouraging thought. It is so discouraging to see moms as I scroll through Instagram posting pictures of their day. Their house is perfectly clean. They're showered. Their hair is perfect. Their makeup is on (and they use brands that you can't afford). Their child is asleep in their super expensive crib for their 2nd perfect nap of the day.

So, where are you? You're in the same sweats you've had on for three days. When was the last time you showered? You have dishes in the sink. You kid won't stop screaming, or crying, and refuses to nap. You're about this close to going completely and utterly insane and vowing to never have another child. And you're wondering why you even had a child to begin with. Remember those days you'd just hangout with your husband and watch a movie? Yeah, those days are gone.

Let me break this down for you.

A LIFE YOU SEE ON SOCIAL MEDIA IS BS.

PURE, SHEER, UTTER BS.

I'm not just saying that to make you feel better. I'm not. You know why your friends aren't posting about their acne and their hemorrhoids when they're pregnant? Because nobody else is. Just like you, they are convinced that nobody else has these disgusting things going on with their body because nobody else posts about it, and they will not be the first one to break the silence, because WHAT IF they're the only ones?

Nobody is going to post that their three day old makeup is all over their face from breaking down and wondering if they'll ever be able to handle this 'mom' life, because guess what? Nobody else is! Nobody wants to admit that there are days that they regret having kids. Nobody else wants to admit that there are days where they just can't handle it!

This leaves people completely and utterly alone, and this is exactly where my undeniable shame and misery come from. It comes from that feeling like everybody else is a better mother because they keep their cool better than I do. It comes from believing that everybody else is prettier, when in reality it took that girl like 45 minutes to get that makeup on, and there's a good chance their kid was crying when they did it. 

You know when people don't want to pull out their camera and film? When their kid is screaming bloody murder and they can't figure out why! Think about ALL of the times that you've been at your worse, or your kid has been at their worse. Did you ever really consider taking a picture or filming it or posting it on your Instagram story? Nooooooo. There are so many other things to worry about in those moments, and on top of that- you don't want to admit that you don't have your shit under control at all times. Of course you don't, and I don't blame you- I don't either. I want people to think that I know exactly what I'm doing at all times.

Granted, I have an angel child, and I have been completely blessed. But I am not a perfect mother. I will never be a perfect mother. I will never be the prettiest or the most put together. I will never be able to actually justify spending $2,500 on a couch that my kid is going to spit up on. My husband is a student just now starting to make his way into the corporate finance world. We have no money. Our apartment has cinder block walls for now, and I cry about my teeth, and my breakouts, and my hair, like 3 times a week.

every single person that you follow on social media is struggling with something that you have no idea about. every. single. person.

And it might not be the same thing you struggle with. That girl might have full confidence in her looks while I'm over here crying because my teeth are crooked, but some other girl might be crying because her husband isn't giving her attention and she feels unloved while I have a seemingly perfect husband. You have no freaking idea what people crying about when they have a moment alone with their thoughts. You have no idea that somebody is comparing their life to yours while your comparing yours to somebody else's.

Being a social media mom means putting your life out there for the world to see. It's opening yourself up to ridicule, and it's opening yourself up to seeing other people who might have a better life than you. MIGHT. You are seeing their highlight reel. The VSCO edited picture after 42973423 takes, and all you can focus on are the unedited outtakes. 

It can be brutal, but you're not the only one who thinks so.