Why I need Him

need

nēd/

verb

1. 1.

   require (something) because it is essential or very important.

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I think one of the most common questions that we ask ourselves in this life is whether we need something or just simply want it. Whether it's money, a certain job, and random things that we can buy with that money because of that job. It's hard to realize what is a necessity, what is essential, and what is truly important. Being married has forced me to reconsider what I need in my life and what is simply just a really, really strong want! 

There were times in high school or elementary school when I thought that I needed this guy to like me, or I needed those clothes, and I needed to be the most popular. Getting married didn't necessarily change my mind and make it clear to me what is the most important. Although I'm only four months married it was really easy for me to instantly fall into this state that I needed everything right away! I needed the really nice apartment with the nice furniture, I needed all the nicest clothes so I could present myself well, I needed a new computer because mine just wasn't cutting it for my standards anymore. All these things that I needed, but I never thought about what would have happened if I didn't get them.

Although I was very confused about what I truly believed that I needed right away I started to lose focus on what I actually need the most in my life. I need my Heavenly Father. I need His Gospel. I need  the Atonement of Jesus Christ. This is just a short list of things that God provides for me that I truly require, because it is essential and VERY important. For whatever reason, after I got married I turned a new leaf of having the complete wrong idea of what I needed and what was the most important. One of my biggest goals in my life was to find a husband that treated me well and that I loved enough to spend the rest of eternity with, and I think that once I met him I stopped doing all those things that I felt were necessary to earn him. I didn't go to church with the same intent, I didn't read my scriptures or pray as faithfully as I used too. Suddenly, Heavenly Father gave me what I had wanted my entire life, and in my mind for a split second I thought, why do I need Him anymore?

What I forgot was the fact that if it weren't for my Heavenly Father, if it weren't for His Gospel and if it weren't for the Atoning Sacrifice of our Saviour Jesus Christ, then I wouldn't have the thing that I hold the most dear to me right now.

I was married in the temple for time and all eternity to the man that I always prayed and dreamed and hoped that I'd one day find. But I didn't find him by myself. I didn't earn his love on my own. Though I don't necessarily believe in soul mates, I believe that everything happens for a reason and I do not think it was a coincidence that my future husband was standing in line at the Subway that I went to after catching the last spot on the earlier bus and getting me there early enough to meet him. I would not have been able to make a sacred covenant with the love of my life for time and all eternity if I did not have this gospel in my life, and if I didn't have Him in my life.

Because of Him all things are possible. Because of Him we can have everything that we always wanted! He is what I need. I need Him now just as much if not more than I needed Him when I was searching for my eternal companion. I need Him every second of my life, I require my Heavenly Father and the Holy Ghost constantly surrounding me in order to have the life that I want for myself. Because of Him I can have a lot of those things that I confuse as needs. He knows what is most important to us. He loves us and want us to be happy and will give us the very best that we can have! There were times when I couldn't believe I wasn't married (even though I was still so young), but now-- knowing who I marry, knowing how happy he makes me, and knowing that I'll have him for eternity because of this Gospel and my Heavenly Father, I would wait forever to have this again.

I need my Heavenly Father just as much as I want him. I need every inch of this Gospel. I need the Atonement, and I need the constant companionship and peace that this Gospel can give to everyone as long as we remember what we truly need. Without Him I wouldn't be who I am and I wouldn't have everything that I have. I owe everything that has come to me in my life to Him, and I need Him.